one of those days

when it's hard to be grateful for anything, on these days, I can be thankful for this man's voice and how it can make me happy and sad that the same time, take me to NYC or Paris, allow me to cry if I need to, and make me feel a little less alone in the world. Thank you, Rufus Wainwright.

I'm Going for Myself

I’m grateful that I’ve taken a breather from dating for a little bit, or possibly forever (I'm kidding, I'm too romantic and gay). Anywho, Today at work one of my co-workers said, “You seem so happy, are you seeing someone?” and the truth is, I’ve been a lot happier, because I’m not seeing anyone. Because for the first time in forever I don’t have too care about checking my phone, dressing up, looking cute, shaving my legs (not that I ever did), I only need to care about myself. I guess in a way, I should have been doing that all along, but, better late than never. Right now, as James Carr would say, "I'm going for myself now"...

The little things

Today, I am grateful for the little things in life that make me happy, such as stationery. I went shopping with my mom, and came upon the back to school aisles. It really makes me wish I was still in college, studying something, so that I could stock up on pens, paper, notebooks, binders, staples, paperclips, folders, highlighters, pencils....sigh. I love the smell, the feel, organizing them, using them. When I was little, I wanted to be a college professor at some point so that I would always have to go stocking up on such things, and then quickly changed my mind when I realized how much effort getting to that point would take. Now I have a master's in education, probably because subconsciously I knew I'd need an ungodly supply of crayons eventually.

Sometimes, I buy notebooks and pens I don't need. Because someday I might need them. they call to me. Especially when it's a good deal. Because nobody loves a good deal more than me. That's a blog for another day....


~Jen

“Wrong” is the New Right

I’m grateful for being intense (AKA “Crazy”). I used to hate it, but I guess—after 30years, I’m finally starting to chill out and say, “This is just who I am. I’m just a wild and crazy girl!” I think for years now I’ve really tried to not be, but the truth is; this is just me, You know? And like the great and powerful Popeye says, “I am what I am, and that’s all that I am”. I don’t want to feel bad about anymore, cause I’m splendid! What I’m learning is, sometimes you can think something is a liability, an imperfection your whole life that keeps you from moving forward. Then one day, you have this moment and realize that your limitation is actually your greatest strength. The truth is, we are all full of beautiful imperfections. Everyone is totally messed up in this amazing way. It’s how we use those amazing imperfections, that truly makes us remarkable.

I’m grateful that I’m starting to not detest my imperfections, because, they’re a part of who I am, and don’t want to hate something that’s so clearly me. I’m grateful that I’m intense. I’m pretty sure that’s what’s going to make me a million dollars one day. I guess I’m grateful that I’m starting to finally see that, maybe all of the things that were so wrong, were actually so right!

Warning: Mushiness ahead.

I was advised today, after gushing like a little girl, to write a blog about how obnoxiously in love I am. As I am not a girly girl, I'm not one to announce these types of things normally, but it's not often that I encounter the type of thing that makes all of the sappy songs on the radio make sense. It came out of nowhere, and from the very beginning, it was comfortable and easy. Now, that's not to say it wasn't exciting, just, well, to continue with my already professed mood of mushiness, right. My brother, upon my first date exiting the car, being dropped off after a movie, pizza, a kiss, and hand holding on the way home, asked, "do they fit?"
"Do what fit?" I couldn't imagine what he meant.
"Your hands. Do they fit? Paul Reiser says in his book, Couplehood, that a couple's hands should fit, if they're a good match, and that he and his wife's hands fit. Do yours fit?"
I remember not wanting to answer, not feeling comfortable with that boy, or talking about a boy I may or may not have liked at the time. "Yes," I replied, because I knew it would make him happy. "They fit."
But they didn't. And in the past, I've twisted and bent and contorted to make my hands fit into positions they did not find pleasing, because I wanted so badly to be "complete" as the girly movies call it.

I'm sorry to tell you all, that being complete is really about finding and loving yourself, and once I was able to do that, I was able to love someone else. Someone who makes love songs make sense. Someone whose hands fit. Truly, this time.



~Jen

I have once again missed a deadline but for good reason-i got to see my boyfriend's mother, whom I adore, dear friends, shop, eat, and perform! A grateful day!

Good Race

Today I'm grateful for deadlines. They are the ticking time bomb of life. I'm moving at the end of this month. No matter what, I have to be out of my apartment by the end of this month. I just found out, in addition to packing and moving my stuff; I now have the luxury of getting rid of all of my previous roommates stuff. He has left me with it and isn't coming back. A stress I wasn't really expecting. I just have to man-up and deal with it though, because I have a deadline! Also, because crying and doing nothing about it, won't make his stuff go away.

Although, sometimes we have good deadlines, things we look forward to finishing. We even race to finish them before they need to be done! We stress a little, but it's a great stress! The kind that makes you feel alive! The truth is, I love deadlines because they show you what you're made of. At the end of the day, whatever happens, happens. I think Nike said it best when they said "Just do it!"... because that's all you can do. Even when life's kicking you, and you're freaking out. You just gotta do it. But when it's great, then it's like this awesome feeling of, "yeah, I'm doing it!" Either way, good or bad, you know...you learn, you can make it through anything.

I'm grateful for these little tests that show, I can make it through anything. With every good race, you need a finish line, otherwise you're just running in circles.