“Because the love you save today may very well be your own” Joe Tex
I was chatting with a friend a few months back about this boy that I liked, yet another hopeless chap. But just like the last boy, this one was “Perfect” he was “the one” and just like the last boy, he didn’t last very long (shocker). My friend gave me this very simple and awesome piece of wisdom, “Why don’t you just focus on you?”... What? I thought to myself. I’ve never done that. I suck at that! There are always a million other more interesting things to focus on (Facebook). Then, I really thought about what he was saying, and I remembered how awesome I am (I am awesome!). I thought, maybe doing myself (not like that) wouldn’t be so bad.
So I decided the first thing I needed to do was; trim the fat, focus on what’s present. In the past, I’ve wasted a huge amount of time and energy on boys. I was a late bloomer, and not super attractive until I was older, so when guys started finally talking to me in a non “you’re just like my sister” fashion, I didn’t want to stop talking to them. I was soooo excited! Like, You’re attracted to me? Me? Are you sure? At this point I should be over it. But when you’re the fat ugly duckling your whole life, and now hot boys like you, it’s a shock to the system. I’d fall in love with all of them. I suck with boys that I like. You’d think I would be better because I’m 30, but I’m awful! If you want to see a train wreck, watch me around a boy I have a serious crush on.
At any rate, I stopped dating and I was instantly happier. Instantly lighter, Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Sure! I miss things like sex, getting my boobs touched, and kissing (Oh man, do I miss kissing!), and snuggling. But my life is simple now. I don’t look at my phone with the hope of some boy texting me. I’m not sad anymore because someone’s not bothering to see how awesome I am. I don’t care. Now the people that I want to see, I do see. They know and love me just as I am. I can give all of the love I have in my heart without restraint. That’s a pretty amazing feeling.
So yeah, I totally miss getting kissed, but I was thinking about that. Here are my thoughts on that one. All good things in life come to those who wait. So, Fudge it! I'm going to get kissed again, and it's going to be awesome! But I'm going to take my time from now on. Everything in life is better when you relax and take it slow.
The next part was, do what I love! Be Creative! Like the Nike ad, “Just do it!”. I took improv classes at The Pit. My friend Tim came up with this brilliant idea to do live readings of fan fiction. We started doing that together. Doing simple things that filled my heart with joy, things that made me happy. Because I’m learning, at the end of the day, it’s truly not about anyone else, it’s simply not! It’s only about me in this life. But if I’m a joy to be around, other people will want to be around me more. Therefore, if I keep being a selfish prick, people will really like me.
The last part was; just be okay with me. Like Popeye says, “I am what I am and that’s all that I am.” This part is called a process. Being truly “cool” with yourself is a process. I’ve always been a weirdo. Sometimes I love that part of myself, but sometimes I hate it. There are days when I’m in my own head, and I’m actually telling myself, Why can’t you just be normal? But, I’m just me. I’m trying to just let things be okay. To be happy with the fact that, I may never be normal. That I may not ever be the smartest girl, or care about sports, politics, animals, really anything other people traditionally care about. But that I’m awesome just as I am. Because, I’m myself. No one will ever be Missy Moser again. There’s a reason why I’m here. That reason is to be awesome!
One a side note: I read this wonderful thing! I read that if you love everything, even the tree and the stars, if you love them with no need of anything or anyone loving you back, because you simply love the act of loving--that the universe will know, and the love will come back to you from unknown sources. I think that’s totally true. Sometimes, I think people don’t like me, because I’m pretty nice and reliable. People like people to be all shitty these days for some reason, it’s hard for me to not get sad, because I want to feel like there’s a reason I’m a good person. I think that’s why I needed to read that. I’m not good for payment. I’m good because it feels good. Not because I need something in return. It’s good to be good. Don’t get me wrong, I still do shitty things. We all do. But I try to be a good person. I try to love as much as I can everyday!
I’m grateful that I’m working on me.
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