Saturday, September 18, 2010

Beep Beep

I've found that in the first few months of trying to be grateful for things, that I've just become more patient with life. Things that would have normally upset me, traffic, for instance, are now taken with a grain of salt. I think about the one thing I'm grateful for in the situation and it calms me down. I missed my train because no one knew how to use the ticket machines, but the next train allowed me to get the snack I most desperately needed and I still had a seat on the train in which to fall asleep. It's easy most of the time, my only challenge being driving. I am one nasty bitch when I drive, because most people on Long Island don't know how to, and I know in saying that I'm still being aggressive, but it's true. So, my new goal is to be calm while driving. My boyfriend can attest to how crazy I get, so only he and my mother know how big of a deal this will be, but I will write another post on another day, updating my progress. Because there WILL be progress.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I have all that I need

It's a funny thing to look around and say, "I have all that I need". Because we live in a world that always tells you, "more is more". But to be totally honest, I have all that I need. This is not to say that I don't desire more in my life, we all have desires. But I don't need anything else in my life. I am content. That's huge for me!! I have so much love, and perhaps not the love that people write about in fairy tales or romance novels, but my life is full of joyful and loving friends that fill my heart with more joy than I've had in years. More joy than I've had from a "real" relationship with a "Boyfriend", so to me, this is as real as any love you could find in a romance novel. I'm having "friendmances" and they kick ass! Plus, I have a show that I look forward to seeing go up every month. I have a job and co-workers I very much enjoy. So, to me, I guess I want to be grateful for having all that I need. I'm not a religious person, but at the same time, I do thank god everyday for the people that have been brought into my life, as well as the ones that have remained for all of these years. Honestly, I'm a lucky duck! I really am.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Lunch

I am super grateful that my new job provides really great free lunch every day that there's surgery, which is pretty much every day...


:)

Monday, September 13, 2010

Because the love you save today may very well be your own (Take Your Time, Do it Right)

“Because the love you save today may very well be your own” Joe Tex
I was chatting with a friend a few months back about this boy that I liked, yet another hopeless chap. But just like the last boy, this one was “Perfect” he was “the one” and just like the last boy, he didn’t last very long (shocker). My friend gave me this very simple and awesome piece of wisdom, “Why don’t you just focus on you?”... What? I thought to myself. I’ve never done that. I suck at that! There are always a million other more interesting things to focus on (Facebook). Then, I really thought about what he was saying, and I remembered how awesome I am (I am awesome!). I thought, maybe doing myself (not like that) wouldn’t be so bad. 
So I decided the first thing I needed to do was; trim the fat, focus on what’s present. In the past, I’ve wasted a huge amount of time and energy on boys. I was a late bloomer, and not super attractive until I was older, so when guys started finally talking to me in a non “you’re just like my sister” fashion, I didn’t want to stop talking to them. I was soooo excited! Like, You’re attracted to me? Me? Are you sure? At this point I should be over it. But when you’re the fat ugly duckling your whole life, and now hot boys like you, it’s a shock to the system. I’d fall in love with all of them. I suck with boys that I like. You’d think I would be better because I’m 30, but I’m awful! If you want to see a train wreck, watch me around a boy I have a serious crush on. 
At any rate, I stopped dating and I was instantly happier. Instantly lighter, Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Sure! I miss things like sex, getting my boobs touched, and kissing (Oh man, do I miss kissing!), and snuggling. But my life is simple now. I don’t look at my phone with the hope of some boy texting me. I’m not sad anymore because someone’s not bothering to see how awesome I am. I don’t care. Now the people that I want to see, I do see. They know and love me just as I am. I can give all of the love I have in my heart without restraint. That’s a pretty amazing feeling. 
So yeah, I totally miss getting kissed, but I was thinking about that. Here are my thoughts on that one. All good things in life come to those who wait. So, Fudge it! I'm going to get kissed again, and it's going to be awesome! But I'm going to take my time from now on. Everything in life is better when you relax and take it slow. 
The next part was, do what I love! Be Creative! Like the Nike ad, “Just do it!”. I took improv classes at The Pit. My friend Tim came up with this brilliant idea to do live readings of fan fiction. We started doing that together. Doing simple things that filled my heart with joy, things that made me happy. Because I’m learning, at the end of the day, it’s truly not about anyone else, it’s simply not! It’s only about me in this life. But if I’m a joy to be around, other people will want to be around me more. Therefore, if I keep being a selfish prick, people will really like me. 
The last part was; just be okay with me. Like Popeye says, “I am what I am and that’s all that I am.” This part is called a process. Being truly “cool” with yourself is a process. I’ve always been a weirdo. Sometimes I love that part of myself, but sometimes I hate it. There are days when I’m in my own head, and I’m actually telling myself, Why can’t you just be normal? But, I’m just me. I’m trying to just let things be okay. To be happy with the fact that, I may never be normal. That I may not ever be the smartest girl, or care about sports, politics, animals, really anything other people traditionally care about. But that I’m awesome just as I am. Because, I’m myself. No one will ever be Missy Moser again. There’s a reason why I’m here. That reason is to be awesome! 
One a side note: I read this wonderful thing! I read that if you love everything, even the tree and the stars, if you love them with no need of anything or anyone loving you back, because you simply love the act of loving--that the universe will know, and the love will come back to you from unknown sources. I think that’s totally true. Sometimes, I think people don’t like me, because I’m pretty nice and reliable. People like people to be all shitty these days for some reason, it’s hard for me to not get sad, because I want to feel like there’s a reason I’m a good person. I think that’s why I needed to read that. I’m not good for payment. I’m good because it feels good. Not because I need something in return. It’s good to be good. Don’t get me wrong, I still do shitty things. We all do. But I try to be a good person. I try to love as much as I can everyday! 
I’m grateful that I’m working on me. 

Friday, September 10, 2010

Get Lost

When I was little I used to get every blanket and pillow in the house together and make a nest in the living room, from a young age I'd always had an affinity for small spaces. I even used to nap in the linen closet, curled up into a tiny ball on the second shelf, hidden away from everyone. So it no wonder that I live in New York, where everything is cramped and it's easy to get lost. Perhaps that's one of my favorite things about New York; my ability to get lost. I even love the sound of that phrase...ggggeeeetttt  llllllooooosssttttt. To some folks that might seem like the worst thing in the whole world. Not to me! To me that's wandering through Central Park, seeing a movie alone with my pax salad, writing in a diner or at Starbucks (Free Wifi), or simply walking nowhere. I'm grateful for my "getting lost" time. We all need that time where it's just ourselves being happy being ourselves. There's no greater time than now to fully enjoy getting lost.

I'm Grateful For Love Stories

Lately I've been doing this really silly thing where I ask couples, "How did you fall in love?" I've actually always done this. But I've been doing it a lot. Because people love telling a good love story, and I love hearing them. I love hearing them because, they give me hope. I've never heard a story that sounded like another story. Not to mention, there's no way to tell a bad "how we fell in love" story. Even the worst story teller can tell a good love story. I guess I'm always grateful that no matter what, at the end of the day, there will always be new love stories. There is always something wonderful around the corner when you aren't looking for it. People are always surprising you. The beauty of love is, there's no wrong way to do it. The only wrong way to love is to not love at all. Even if you're already in love, go ask other couples how they met. It's one of the sweetest stories people have to tell. One day, I can't wait to tell my own. :)


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

So, after repeating over and over that I would find a job in the city that would pay me a certain amount and having it appear almost out of the blue exactly as I kept saying, I am now starting to repeat things over and over to myself in my head as I drive. Today it's been, "I will pay off my bills, I will pay off my bills, I will pay off my bills." It will happen. Apparently, if I work hard and chant about things happeninf, they happen. It could all be coincidence, but if it makes me feel like I'm doing something, than it can't hurt. Last night I was just grateful to make $8 at the restaurant and ended up breaking $100, unheard of for a holiday or a Monday. Being grateful really helps, or me at least...

Friday, September 3, 2010

Not giving up

I keep forgetting about this blog, but I'm not giving up. Its only been two months. We can do this. I can do this.

Today I was thinking how grateful I was for rainy days driving in the car with classical music playing. It gives me a feeling I can't describe, a memory not yet created, or relived again. I'm grateful that I can appreciate the rain, that it doesn't make me sad, but feels like life, because it feeds the plants, the earth, and it feels good the day after when the breeze is cool on your skin.

I am not giving up.