Tonight I learned a valuable lesson; tonight I lost all of my grace, if I had any to begin with? I totally lost it. I’ve been really busy lately with moving to a new apartment, working all the time, trying to assist with Monday Night Fan Fiction, and just trying to keep my head on straight. This evening I had a meeting to figure out how to better promote our show, I was thrilled! Honestly, MNFF is one of my favorite things in the world right now. So when I asked yesterday if I could leave early, it wasn’t a problem. However, the girl that was supposed to work this evening wasn’t at work today. It was a different co-worker. It was the "Evil" co-worker. She’s one of those people that just goes out of her way to screw other people over. She’s gets some kind of sick joy out of others misery.
As soon as I saw her I knew I was totally screwed. I asked again if it was still okay if I leave at 7:00pm? But as soon as I ask, she says, "Well actually I think I want to leave early." I start to boil over inside. I can feel my whole face heating up. "I knew this was going to happen!" I think to myself. Then, I literally lose my shit right there, throw off my vest and throw my pilot pen to the ground, "That's it! I'm quitting! I don't care anymore. This place is bullshit." Then my super sweet manager pulls me into the office and gives me the old, "Don't quit like this..." speech. I try to calm myself down as much as I can, but my whole body is shaking. I'm filled with such rage right now, that I'm not in my right mind, I finally look over to her and without thinking I blurt out, "You're the worst Christian woman ever! You just go out of your way to do vindictive things to people and it's horrible. You make God weep, you're so evil." Then she left the office and said I'd lost my mind, which may have been a little true, or a lot true. Then she said she was going to call the cops, and I was like, "Call them!! Tell them I said you were a shitty Christian."
The thing was, as I sat there at my desk, I realized at the end of the day, all of my anger didn't do anything. It just made me more angry. Nothing was solved. I hated feeling like that. I hated feeling so out of control. I was totally insane tonight. I'll admit that. While I do think that woman goes out of her way to do horrible things to people, I don't need to react in such a manor. I should have had more grace (or any at all). I know I have a bad temper. I know it's something that I'll always need to work on. I guess in life, it's not about everyday or every moment being the best. It's just about learning to make better choices the next time. I guess what I mean is, I didn't need to call her a bad Christian. Even though it felt super awesome. It didn't really serve a purpose. I need to be more mindful of my actions. I wasn't at all. I forgot to be kind even though I was really angry. I didn't take the high road.
I'm grateful that there's always tomorrow to make a fresh start. Hopefully, next time I'm angry, I won't get mad, I'll get kind.
As soon as I saw her I knew I was totally screwed. I asked again if it was still okay if I leave at 7:00pm? But as soon as I ask, she says, "Well actually I think I want to leave early." I start to boil over inside. I can feel my whole face heating up. "I knew this was going to happen!" I think to myself. Then, I literally lose my shit right there, throw off my vest and throw my pilot pen to the ground, "That's it! I'm quitting! I don't care anymore. This place is bullshit." Then my super sweet manager pulls me into the office and gives me the old, "Don't quit like this..." speech. I try to calm myself down as much as I can, but my whole body is shaking. I'm filled with such rage right now, that I'm not in my right mind, I finally look over to her and without thinking I blurt out, "You're the worst Christian woman ever! You just go out of your way to do vindictive things to people and it's horrible. You make God weep, you're so evil." Then she left the office and said I'd lost my mind, which may have been a little true, or a lot true. Then she said she was going to call the cops, and I was like, "Call them!! Tell them I said you were a shitty Christian."
The thing was, as I sat there at my desk, I realized at the end of the day, all of my anger didn't do anything. It just made me more angry. Nothing was solved. I hated feeling like that. I hated feeling so out of control. I was totally insane tonight. I'll admit that. While I do think that woman goes out of her way to do horrible things to people, I don't need to react in such a manor. I should have had more grace (or any at all). I know I have a bad temper. I know it's something that I'll always need to work on. I guess in life, it's not about everyday or every moment being the best. It's just about learning to make better choices the next time. I guess what I mean is, I didn't need to call her a bad Christian. Even though it felt super awesome. It didn't really serve a purpose. I need to be more mindful of my actions. I wasn't at all. I forgot to be kind even though I was really angry. I didn't take the high road.
I'm grateful that there's always tomorrow to make a fresh start. Hopefully, next time I'm angry, I won't get mad, I'll get kind.
1 comment:
I was going to leave you a quote about anger, but instead, i found this, to make you feel better:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5Ba8gJxpN4&NR=1
It's good that you can look back and reflect and learn. I'm grateful for my mom's cds on self awareness and happiness that have allowed me to release the anger I have stored up in me, slowly. remember the orange video a month ago. It's a process, maybe a forever one. :)
Post a Comment