Because of Guy

Three years ago I was sitting on my couch, watching an episode of Beverly Hills 90210, when my boyfriend sits down beside me, and grabs my hand, and says “Monkey, Could you turn off the TV?”. I look at him nonchalantly, and keep watching 90210, because it’s an incredible episode, Dylan was returning, and I hadn’t seen it in a while, but then he shuts off the TV. “Monka, I’m sorry, you know I love you, but this isn’t working anymore”. I just glare at him, I’m totally taken a back and cold at this point. I feel like I've been hit by a car. I'm in shock, I can’t even look at him I feel so ill, “If that’s all you have to say? I’d like to finish my show…”. After that he just kept looking at me and crying, which I didn’t get? You just broke my heart! And interrupted my show, why are you crying? Men...?

Then a week later, I had to go to the hospital, because my heart had filled up with fluid and could barely beat, so they had to drain it. It's called a Pericardial effusion ("fluid around the heart"). My now ex-boyfriend thought he had some kind of super power, like the power to in fact “break my heart”. Which I think made him feel a little better. (Cough, cough, douche bag...) Although, in his defense, he was very good with me for that period. I spent two weeks in the hospital. When I got out of the hospital, I had to continue to live with him for a few months until I was recovered. Which in a way made me feel like we were still together. Which made it worse when I moved out. It felt like breaking up all over again.

Subsequently, a month after I moved out, he found a new girlfriend (she was ten years younger than him, and I referred to her as "The child", cause that was bitchy and being bitchy made me feel better); Honestly, this broke my heart and propelled me into an abyss of madness that I didn’t quite comprehend or know how to deal with. He was my first real love, I wasn’t moved on yet--How could he? and so immediately. Did I mean nothing? I was furious! I knew what I needed to do... get sexy and upgrade! I started going to the gym, I started eating healthy, I started writing, I started finding friends, I started trying to find me. And Then in January I found Guy.

It was just after the New Year and I was going to a Twelfth Night party. I wasn’t looking to meet anyone. Thus, I walk into this party, and I see this charming man with Ginger hair, who’s just way too good looking. He was like every guy who ever mocked me in high school. I just thought, there’s no way a guy like that would ever like a girl like me. But he was the only guy there at that point besides the host, so I started chatting with him. He was really nice. Later on that night, I even met some of his friends, who were amazing. (We’re actually still friends)

About a week later we went on a date, to me it went really well, and I was totally smitten…but sadly he wasn’t really. He liked me, but in a friendly way. The thing about me though, I fall head over heels right away. It’s pretty awful. But in an odd way, it ended up being the best thing in the world! Because of my fascination with him, I was happy to be anywhere in his life. Which made me go places, and meet people, I would not have met had I not been trying so hard to win his affection. Sometimes you win more by losing. Which sounds kind of odd, but it's true. I know now he and I would have been horrid together. But he was the first guy I liked after my relationship had failed, he was my first sign of hope. He was hope, he showed me there are other things out there. Maybe not Guy, but other things.

The truth is, Because of Guy, I’ve met some of the most wonderful people in the world, because of Guy, I’ve produced shows, and because of Guy I’ve found other love. Even though he and I were never meant to be, just by Guy being in my life, he gave me the love of so many more. That’s the greatest gift ever! So For that, I’m eternally grateful.

Sometimes people don’t need to be a huge part of your life, to make a huge impact.